Well, it’s been a LONG time since my last post. It has been a very rough road for us, grieving for our son. It has taught me much about myself, and my faith. My faith isn’t something I often address, but I felt strongly to post about this tonight, so here it is… Josh and I are going through the classes to be foster parents. The one thing everyone is cautioning me about is not to foster unless we can keep the kids because we will become attached. I, too, thought this was sound advice when looking at foster care from my perspective. I, however, have had my heart prepared and my eyes opened. My perspective has changed. This is NOT about me! I HOPE I get attached! These are kids coming from broken homes who have had little or no consistency in their lives! EVER! They are kids who never get touched or hugged or told how much they are loved. They have no security. If I can do that for a child, no matter how long that child is mine, it is worth the heartache I go through.
I sat here tonight thinking about the fact that my son or daughter is probably out there right now. He could be going to bed hungry, not having eaten for a week. She could be being beaten or hurt. She could be sleeping in a park somewhere, cold and afraid. I sat here tonight thinking about these things in my nice, warm home and I felt ashamed for thinking about going through adoption and not getting ‘attached’. This is not about me. I am an adult, I have therapy and coping methods that will get me through, just like I got through losing Oliver. My kids don’t have those methods… yet. So I sat here tonight and all I have is to pray that God will keep my children safe. I don’t know where they are, or who they are, but He does. That’s where I am taking my comfort. If the time comes when my children are re-unified with their bio- parents, I will wonder every night if they are warm, safe, full, and happy. I will take my comfort in God’s promises for orphans and their caregivers:
-Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.
Psalms 68:5-6
-And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.
Matthew 18:5
-Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
Proverbs 31:8-9
-In you the orphan finds mercy.
Hosea 14:3
-Never take advantage of any widow or orphan. If you do and they cry out to me, you can be sure that I will hear their cry.
Exodus 22:22-23
